Oh So Unsure
09-25-2002, 8:17 p.m.

Oh So Unsure...

September 25, 2002

There are so many moments in life when you are just so unsure.. should I have done that, should I have said that, what should I do about this or that. I feel that way about relationships sometimes too.

You can always tell when things are not quite right with someone you care about. It's the little things that they say or do, that alone would add up to nothing, but when put together spell trouble. It's a tone, or something unsaid. But it's there, and it leaves you unsure of what to do. It's not always easy, but it usually necessary and most of the time worth it in the end. Whoever said that relationships, or life for that matter was easy, is wrong. But it is so rewarding, and after you finally talk about the things that you were unsure of, you usually feel a lot better, at least until the next time, lol, and isn't there always a next time? Maybe it's to be expected when you are in relationships with people that you differ from in ways of thinking, and maybe it's not even a bad thing really. All I know is that sometimes when you are feeling unsure of it all, it can be hard.

As I am sure you can figure out, today has been one of those unsure type of days. I am not even kidding, I have been so unsure of everything. I mentioned yesterday that I wanted to get a crop tote thingy, but now I am not even sure of that. Oh, I am sure that I want one, just not that I can justify the cost of them. There are so many other things that I want to do, and need to do, and I just don't see it happening. That of course didn't stop me from going to look at them this evening... but I didn't even try to buy one. I don't think that I am going to. At least not right now. I think I will tell Stephen that I would like one for Christmas, or maybe I will stick with wanting my new desk for Christmas.. heck, I don't know what I want for Christmas, lol. Told you it's been one of those days.

I went to the gym when we got home, and had a good workout. It did a good job at clearing my mind.. then I came home and had dinner with Stephen. He even cooked tonight while I was gone, awww. I tell you though, I really do eat more when I eat later.. probably because I am so hungry by then. But then, I don't want to snack as much later, so it's easier to resist.. what a toss up that is. Stephen doesn't really like eating so late though, so I think that I am going to go back to making dinner before the gym.. it's just so hard with all the shows I want to watch on TV, lol.. hey, I said I am not going to feel guilty about that, and I am not.

Well, Stephen is waiting for me to watch Monsters Inc with him.. that is going to be nice, to just cuddle and watch it, and maybe even get to bed at a decent time. I had such a hard time falling asleep last night and ended up pretty late reading my book.. and I am tired now. I want to get up early tomorrow to go to the gym... otherwise, I am just going to go for a walk tomorrow night, and skip the gym, maybe that's what I will do.. I haven't walked outside in a while, yah, that sounds nice.

Daily Tidbits

1. My mom called me tonight.. she was depressed and said she was going shopping. I asked her for what, and she said new pants.. her pants are all too tight. She hasn't been working out or swimming lately, and it's starting to show in her pants she said. She sounded so down, but I didn't know what to say except that I loved her and that I knew that she would be back into her pants before too long.. 5 minutes later, she called me back, and she said.. I just wanted you to know that I am not going shopping, I am going to walk on the treadmill instead.. awwww, I was so happy for her, and so proud of her.. way to go mom!