A Silent Goodbye
03-05-2001, A

A Silent Goodbye...

March 5, 2001

Ven, my former boss, and a man who was like a second father to me is dying. The last time I actually got to talk to him directly was right before Christmas. He was so full of happiness and plans. He had decided that he was going to actually retire this summer and travel with his wife. After all these years of teaching medical students, he was ready to enjoy his golden years. You could hear how happy he was. How much life he had in him. Yet, he also had a cold with a bad cough that just wouldn't go away, and he told me that he had a doctor appointment. I laughed at him, in all the years that I've known him, he's never been sick, never gone to the doctor. Then came the shock that we were not at all prepared for. We found out right after Christmas that he did go to that appointment, and that it wasn't just a bad cold. He has cancer that started in his liver, and that it had already spread to his brain, bones and lungs. We knew that there was no recovery for him, but how do you say goodbye to someone? He was my boss for 7 years, until he relocated to our other branch university in Arizona. In the time that I knew him, I got to know his family, to really know them. I attended weddings, baby showers, family parties that he had, and I grew to respect and love this man. I still remember saying goodbye when he was leaving for Arizona... it was so hard, and yet it was a different goodbye, because you knew that you would still see him occasionally. He had wanted me to come with him, said that things just wouldn't be the same without me. The funny thing is that we considered doing it. They had just opened the university in Arizona and jobs were plentiful there, it sounded fun... but we decided that we didn't want to leave our families, or Chrissy and June. So we said goodbye to a good friend. This sort of goodbye is so much worse. It's so final.

We found out today that Ven lapsed into a coma, one from which he isn't expected to come out of. I guess in a way, it is good to know that he isn't suffering, but for those of us left behind it is sad, and a lonely feeling. I sit here and I wonder, did he have any idea the impact that he made in my life. I know that I never told him how much I cared, he just was not that type of person. He didn't share his feelings, and he didn't like to hear yours, but he showed them in many ways. Did I show him in return? I can only hope that I did... So today I am saying my silent goodbyes to a wonderful wonderful man. One whom is loved by many, and who's loss will be felt. He is a father, a husband, a teacher, and a wonderful human being. My heart is full of pain at the thought of losing him, and while I know the end is here, I still hope for miracles that I know are impossible to happen. Funny how our minds know, but our hearts refuses to listen...