The Beginning
01-11-2001,

The beginning...

January 11, 2001

I have been considering starting a new journal for some time now. So I ask my self, why have I waited? Oh there are the normal excuses, don't have time, not sure which site to use, and so on, but let's face it, those are generic excuses which really do not amount to much. It really is much more than that. Journals are a very personal, deep thing. I keep another journal on another site, that is devoted to our (my husband Stepphen and I) efforts in having a child (more on this topic in future entries), but I have really wanted to start a journal about more, because my life is about more than trying to have a child. Maybe what I have to say is important, maybe it isn't, maybe they will send in the little men in the white jackets, but at any rate, it's my story to tell.

Earlier today, I was telling Jen (one of my closest friends who you are bound to hear a lot about in this journal) that I was looking for a site to have my journal. She, not being much of a writer herself, asked, why online? She, at first, didn't understand why someone would want to read a journal of someone they didn't even know. I thought she was making fun of me at first, but then it started to dawn on me, she really just didn't understand. In her mind, journals equaled little locked books that said a whole lot of nothing. As I was trying to explain to her why I thought wanted to do this, I realized why I have been putting it off... you are putting yourself out there, your deepest thoughts and feelings, dreams and fears for anyone to see. No locking this up when it gets hard to handle. Pretty scary stuff at times. What if people don't like it, or don't find it interesting enough to come back to read again. Would I be crushed? Or is it something that I am just doing for myself?

After thinking about it for a while, I realized that I do enjoy keeping up with certain journals of certain people (my few favorites include Jo and Carrie), and that even if noone ever reads mine, it is still there, for me to see. To me, reading a journal is almost like reading a good book. In a good book, you come to know the characters and to even care about them. You don't want the book to end, because you need to know what happens... the good and the bad. The really good books you can't get enough of.

So this is where I am. Starting my book. The best part is that Jen has decided to start her book too, as well as Cory (another of my closest friends that you will hear so much about in this journal). Now, doesn't that beat all... Guess sometimes waiting is good.

I can't believe how much time I am already putting into this today. How come I can be such a perfectionist when it comes to some things and then other things I just let go. Stephen says that I like to be in control of things too much, I think that it is just that I want people to like what I do. Hmm, Stephen...now there is someone that you really will hear a lot about in this journal. Not only is he my husband, but he is my best friend, my soul-mate, the love of my life. No matter what else happens in life, marrying him was one thing that I will never regret.