The Roaring 20's
01-12-2001, 15:19:49

The Roaring 20's...

January 12, 2001

The last day of my 20's. Yup, tomorrow is my 30th Birthday, and it is funny, because I am not exactly sure how to explain what I am feeling right now... not that I am not going to try to... so here it goes.

7 months ago, Stephen and his twin sister Delores (yes, my husband is a twin) turned 30. Stephen wasn't bothered by this fact at all (I don't think Men freak out until they turn 50), but Delores cried. I think she was depressed for a week. I remember laughing at her, thinking what a goof she was being. After all, 30 is just another number right? I mean, it's not like your whole world is going to suddenly change overnight just because you hit that big 3-0! At least that is what I thought 7 months ago. Here I am, the day before my turn, and I am wondering, is it just another number, or does it stand for something more. Am I suddenly going to be more grown-up, or have to take on more responsibility, am I becoming a true adult? Boy, I sure hope not! I have always been one to avoid change. I like things simple, comfortable, the way they are.

If I had to be honest, I think that I would have to say that the only thing that bothers me about turning 30 (well besides the jokes from my younger friends...), is the fact that we are still not parents. Stephen and I married young, I was only 20, and we both wanted children right from the start. Here I am 10 years later, and I still cannot say that this is a dream that has come true. Instead, all I have to look back on is a lot of broken dreams. Years of infertility treatments and 2 losses. I will never forget a conversation that Stephen and I had shortly after we married. He said, I don't mind waiting a few years before we have children, but I want to be finished by the time we are 30. Now we are 30, and we haven't even started (not from lack of trying). I wonder if we will even be there by the time we are 40. Heck, I am hoping that I will be there by the time I am 31. Guess only time will tell. Okay, Pity Party is thru now...

I am really rather excited about my birthday tomorrow. Stephen is already being really sweet, and doing nice stuff. He is not always a big romantic, but he can be at the right moments. I guess it does make those moments more special. We are going to the movies tonight after work, and maybe to grab a bite. Then just going to cuddle all night, or something equally relaxing. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I need to get a few things done in the morning tomorrow, and then we are going to Sherry and Chucks (yet some more friends that you will hear alot about) apartment and then to meet Cory and her husband Jim at this restaurant which is supposed to have great steaks. Then we are all going to a Chicago Wolves Hockey Game. After that, we are going to the Grand Victoria Casino to gamble a little and people watch. I am so looking forward to the whole evening. And even better, I do believe that Cory has some tricks up her sleeve. Normally, I would worry about this sort of thing, because it is something I usually do to others... but to be honest, it's nice to be on the recieving end of it for once. I am so looking forward to the whole night.

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Can I just say that I am having a wonderful day! I have some of the very best friends... they really are great. My goal is to always let them know how much I appreciate them. Last night when I got home, I had a package waiting. My friend Kristen had sent me a gift for my birthday, a Collin Raye CD... we had been talking about music a while back, and she was telling me that it was him that got her interested in country music. It was such a thoughtful gift, and I listened to it already, and I loved it. I hope she knows what it meant to me, what she means to me.

Jen and I were talking this morning, and she was asking what CDs I still want... so I think she is going to get me the Faith Hill CD. I really love that song, the way you love me, so I am excited about that... see what wonderful friends I have.

Cory, now she really surprised me. She sent me flowers to work today. I was so touched I was crying...happy tears of course. She had gotten flowers at work a while back and I was saying that I never get flowers delivered to work (Stephen hand delivers them when he buys them), and she remembered that. She amazes me with her thoughtfulness. I am so glad that I met her, and I am so glad about how close we have gotten. I am looking forward to spending time with her tomorrow as well. This has been an awesome birthday, and it's not even my birthday yet, hehe. What will tomorrow bring.