The First Snow
01-17-2002,

The First Snow...

January 17, 2002

Yesterday we got our first snow. Well the first snow of the season that really stuck and counted. It was so pretty, but it sure made the commute home a pain in the butt. Actually, I so really shouldn't complain because it could have been a whole lot worse, and we were actually surprised that we got home when we did. We thought for sure it would take a lot longer than that, and in fact, the first part of the ride was pretty bad, and we assumed it would be that way the whole way, but then it got easier. The good part was that Stephen offered to buy us dinner since it was late, and I am sick of left-overs from the weekend. He got us Patio ribs and soup, yum. I didn't eat much of the ribs, only one little rib actually, but the soup was soooo good. We brought left-overs for lunch today though, so the ribs will be good then...better take some wet rags with me though, LOL.

I didn't do much last night, I was not in a mood to do much. Since Cory has already written about our fight, I guess there is no reason to not do the same. I wanted to scrapbook, but I just couldn't get into it. Still I got my desk cleaned off so I could, and that was an accomplishment in itself. I also spent some time talking to Tonya online (and then Jen came on for a bit later), and she helped take my mind off of things. It was an okay night, and I was feeling better by the end of it...

That is until I read Cory's journal. See, I guess I am the type of person who believes in my friendships. I don't think that there is anything in the world that could make me stop caring about those that I love so much. A fight is just that, a fight, and it usually doesn't mean anything. I get mad, I cool off and then it's over. I don't see it as the end of a friendship, or do I even think that it makes a huge dent into the friendships that I hold so dearly. When you are that close with someone you are going to bang heads, and you are going to say things that you don't mean, or that were said in anger... but you say you are sorry, you work thru your feelings and you move on. Hanging on to the anger only makes you feel worse and that is what is hard to work thru. God, if I thought that my relationship with Stephen was over every time I said something I didn't mean, where the hell would we be? I expected that my friendships were the same way.

I guess from what she said in her journal, that Cory doesn't see that we can get thru this, or forget about yesterday. I personally don't agree, but I can't make her feel any differently, because she is entitled to how she feels, and I respect that totally. I love her very much, and always will, but I can't make her want to work this out. I knew that today would be hard, fixing things, but I didn't think that she would be unwilling to try. I guess I didn't even worry about it, because I thought that we were stronger than that. Well all I can say is that if our friendship has to end over what happened yesterday, then it is not the friendship I thought it was. I wrote to Cory earlier, and told her I was sorry and I figured we would talk about it, and work thru it... then her journal entry showed me that it's not going to be as easy as that. I am saddened by that, and at first, I thought to myself, I wish I never wrote to her... but you know what? I am glad I did. Our friendship means more to me than anything we could have said/done yesterday. I did what I could do, now I just wait. If she can't see her way back to me, I will be sad and sorry and it will hurt a lot. But I will know that I tried, and I am glad I won't have to regret that I didn't.