Never Say Die
01-23-2001,

Never Say Die�

January 23, 2001

Today Cory told me that she was listening to a song last night, and that it reminder her of Stephen and I. She wanted me to see the words, and now I wanted to add them to my entry.

This was amazing to me, because as I read these lyrics, I realized that they would have made me think of my relationship with Stephen as well, had I been listening to the song, and it always amazes me just how well a friend can get to know you. Enough to hear a song and think of you, enough to know enough about you to be able to put words to that knowledge. Friendship is a wonderful thing, and I've been blessed with the greatest of friends. I don't have very many friends who live close to me. There is Sherry of course, and now Cory. Oh, I have a few others, but not the close kind� the kind of friend that you want to talk to every day. There is Sharlene, who I have been friends with since I was a little girl (about 4) but she and I talk maybe once or twice a year, oh and the occasional Christmas card and such, with all the promises of keeping in touch and all that, but it never happens� and there are others, who I have once been close with but since have sorta fallen away from. How is it, that one person can be such an important part of your life for a length of time, and then fade away to nothing? Why is it, that true friendship is so hard to find? Don't get me wrong, I do have my share of friends, I am not complaining about that� it is just something that I wonder about from time to time.

Take Jen for example. I could not be closer to a person than I've gotten to her over the past years. We have shared so much, our thoughts, dreams, laughter and tears. We have spent so much time laughing, and enjoying the company of one another, and then there are the times that we have fought, screamed at each other, cried together. We have made it thru so much, some good and some bad, and we have always come out much stronger for the struggle, and yet I can count the number of times that we have been together in person on one hand. How is it that you can be so close to someone who lives so far away, and while you wish that they were closer, and that you could just call them up and say come over when you needed a hug, or a friend to spend time with, it doesn't make a difference in the long run. Jen and I butt heads a lot, maybe because we are such different people, and yet in some ways the same, but I never doubt our friendship or that we will still be here tomorrow, for each other. I love our friendship, and while it might not be as easy as others that I have, it is unique and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how different relationships can be with different people. New relationships are exciting sometimes, but the old are comforting. Then there is the rare relationship that just fits so perfectly, like Cory. I have only known Cory for a little less than a year, and we only met in person about 6 months ago, and yet, I feel like I've known her my whole life. I can't count the number of times we have said "me too" as we have talked about things, we have so much in common, and our friendship is so easy. I never knew a friendship could be so easy, and I am grateful for having met her. I believe that she is another friendship that will last a life time.

Sherry is a friend that I have had for many many years. We grew up together, and we know each other in and out, we have history. History is sometimes a very important thing. It's wonderful to have a friend that you can sit and laugh with, talking about things you did when you were 9 or 12 or 16�. You know everything that there is not know about that person, and you treasure them for that. Sherry and I have never had an easy friendship, we came from such different worlds, and that when you are young can make a world of difference. But we managed to hang on thru it all, and grow closer and closer. Most times I do not think of Sherry as only a friend, but as a sister, and that is probably what she will always be to me. She is not someone I can share my deepest feelings with at times, not because she wouldn't care, but she just isn't that type of person, she doesn't have the right words at times, but I do share something more with her that I will never be able to share with another, and that something is just so precious. She has given me more than she will ever know. She has shared the lives of her 2 children with me in a way that most parents would never dream of doing. Chrissy and June are the light of my life, and I have Sherry's generosity to thank for many a happy moment.

I guess as I write this, I am realizing just how lucky I really am. I might not have 10000 friends around me, but I have close ones, wonderful ones. On top of that, I have the friends I have made here on the internet, in my email groups, and that sort. And some of them are just as wonderful as any of my "real-life" friends. That's just it, they are real life to me. They know more about me sometimes than I know about myself, because you can really share with them. If you are reading this, you know who you are, you know what you mean to me, and if I tried to name you all by name, I would be here for days�. so I will just sit back safe in the knowledge that you know, and that I know you know.

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How this turned into an entry on friendship, I am not even sure. I meant to write about something totally different. I worry about writing these sorts of entries. Your friends read them, and some feel slighted or left out by what you said, or what you didn't say, and that isn't right. Just because you didn't say something, or mention something doesn't mean that it isn't just as important to you as the stuff you did say is. I am the type of person who worries about peoples feelings, and this is the sort of entry that causes hurt feelings, but I promised to share my thoughts here, and these were my thoughts today. Sometimes I wish I were a different person, one who didn't care so much about what everyone around me thought. I mean, why should I worry what one friend thinks, because I wrote about another friend here? Why should I have to think, oh, I forgot to mention so- and so-, I better go back and do so. I want to be able to share how I feel, without worrying, so I am going to not change a thing here today - "No Friendships were hurt in the making of this entry" LOL, you know that little waiver they put sometimes on movies and stuff... hehe, anyway....