The Memorial Service
03-23-2001,

The Memorial Service...

March 23, 2001

Well, the Memorial Service is over, and it was everything that I had hoped it would be. It was wonderful, and emotional, and a chance to say goodbye and to make our peace with it all. It was just exactly what we all needed, and I feel very good about it all... but I would like to share my thoughts and memories of it here, so that I can always go back and read and remember...

It was a rough day, I couldnt stop thinking about the service, and what I was going to say at it. I spent a lot of time carefully writing what I wanted to say, and reading it over and over, hoping that I would remember everything and get thru it. Stephen did take me out to lunch though, and that was nice and relaxing. We talked alot about Ven during lunch, and that helped too... it got me prepared I guess. Also, Jen and Cory and Kristen as well as a few co-workers really helped me thru it alot. I appreciate them and everyone else who offered their love and support.

Finally it was time to go over. Stephen and I walked over to the ERC building, and when we got there, I right away noticed that Nalini (Ven's wife) was already there. She was talking to lots of people and didn't see me at first. However, our university president came over and asked if I was going to be okay. I guess it was no secret that this was going to be tough for me. As I talked with Dr. G. Nalini noticed I was there, and she came over to hug me. She had tears in her eyes, and so did I. She said to me "It's so good to see you Vicki, he missed you so much. You were like a daughter to him". I told her that I had wanted to be there so badly and she said "you were, he knew". I think that this really helped me a lot, because it was one of the things that I worried about most. After I talked to her for another moment, I headed into the lecture hall. I talked to a few people for a few moments, and then dropped my jacket and purse off with Stephen and went to go sit with my boss, Walt. He was wonderful as well, telling me how hard it was going to be for him to talk, and reassuring me about it. We all laughed as I got up to grab some tissue.

The service started, and it was really very wonderful. They showed a presentation of pictures of him, with beautiful music... some of the pictures were priceless.. he worked for the university for 35 years, and some of the pictures they had, he looked soooo young. I laughed at some, cried at others. It was nice. When it was time for us to talk, I was nervous as could be, but I was also sure that it was what I wanted to do. I knew I could back out if I wanted, but I also knew that Stephen was right, I would regret it for a long long time if I didn't say what was in my heart. As I walked to the podium, I told myself... Vic, this is for him... who cares what anyone else thinks...

I took out my paper and put it on the podium.. this is what I had written and what I had planned on saying...

I first met Ven 11 years ago when I interviewed for the position of his secretary. He asked me only two questions that day� "Are you as good with computers as your mom is"� and then "When do you want to start". That's exactly the type of person he was� straight to the point.

Over the years, I came to think of him as more than just my boss, he was a friend� and in many ways he was like family. He was a man that I respected and cared for deeply. He had such pride in our department and it's members, and he never hesitated to remind us of that. I really believe that his pride helped us to become a better department�to work harder� to work together as a unit.

I have so many wonderful memories of him, and I would like to share one of my favorites with you now. There was this day that we were working on a difficult project, and I think that we were both at a point where we were very stressed with it all, and okay, maybe just a little crabby. Just when I was about to throw my hands in the air and say I give up, I heard this noise coming from his office. If you knew him well, then you know how quiet he was. There were many times that I could go a whole day and not even know that he was there. So I would have to say that I was a little intrigued as to what he was doing on this day, and I got up to look. And there he was, sitting in his office, his feet propped up on top of the desk, with his arms behind his head�and he was singing, an Indian song. I stared at him for a moment, I don't think I ever heard him sing before, and he just looked at me and smiled. I remember that I laughed so hard that day. He even took an hour that day trying to teach me the song and what it meant. The best part of the story, is that after that day, whenever things would be rough, he would stop by my desk and just start humming that same song. It never failed to make me laugh. It were little things like this that many people didn't get to see, those of us who were lucky enough to be close with him did.

As we try to work through this difficult loss, I mostly try to remember the happy moments. And when it gets a little rough, I think of his last day here, on this campus. He had only come into work for a few hours that day, to finish packing up his things, and when he was getting ready to leave, I went into his office to say goodbye�and I was crying of course. He just shook his head at me and said� "Now none of that�No tears� don't cry for me, just remember everything that I taught you". I would like to think that if he could say anything to us today, that it would be just that. He cared very much about what he taught, not just in the classroom, but in life. He taught me so many things, and I will never forget them...I will never forget him.

Somehow though, when I started talking, I just forgot about everyone, but him...and Nalini, I mostly just talked to her, about him. I said alot of the things that I wrote above, and added others. I didn't read, but used my paper to remind me occasionally, but it all came from the heart. I must have done a good job, because when I sat back down, Walt said "that was just beautiful Vicki, you did a great job". I felt good, proud of myself, and happy for having had done it.

After people shared their memories, they showed a video of him... and they had different speeches on there that he had given at various things. I cried listening to him, but it felt good too, to see him like that, and to remember.

After the service, there was a reception, and it was nice as well. Everyone kept telling me how what I said had really touched them, and how obvious it was that I had really known him, really cared. It was nice. I got to talk to Nalini alot and I enjoyed that as well. I think that one thing that really touched me was that so many of his friends and family from outside of the university were there, and they too were coming up to me at the reception. I didn't even know them, and yet they all said the same thing "he talked so much about you". It made me realize that I was important to him too, and that felt good. It was a wonderful service for a wonderful man that so many people loved. He was deserving of that and so much more. I will miss him with all my heart, but I feel ready to move forward now, I got to say goodbye. I will never forget him, or what he taught me.