Weepy Today
05-02-2002,

Weepy Today...

May 02, 2002

Let's see.. I just weeped because I had a long entry typed and lost it, damn it. I hate when that happens, and yet I still haven't learned to save my work as I go along. How stuip is that? I am serious, how hard is it to save as I go along? Not as hard as having to retype everything at any rate.. My second entry is never as good as my first was, mostly because I don't feel like taking the time to rewrite what I lost.

I also weeped tonight over ER. I usually end up crying before the end of the episode, but tonight they got me in the first 3 minutes, and I continued crying for the whole hour. Stephen is laughing at me.. he says.. it's only a show honey, and yes, I realize that it is... A charater died, not a real person, but yet, I have been watching it since the very first episode, and you grow to love these characters, every bit as much as you would if you knew them for real. And maybe, shows like this provide something in our lives.. distractions, sometimes good ones, sometimes sad ones, but an hour a week that we can lose ourself in someone else's life, real or not. I think it's good to do that occasionally. Hell, sometimes it is even critical in our lives.

What began my weepy day today is something I don't know how to explain. See, we have these geese on our campus.. you may have heard me talk about the goose we named killer. His mate had layed her eggs near the enterance to our building and killer would walk around attacking anyone who got too close. Sometimes it was annoying, especially when you were in a hurry, and had to walk all the way around the building to avoid him, but in a way, I understood... Geese mate for life, and he was doing what he knew to do.. it's his nature to protect his mate.. can't fault him for that.

Still, it was all worth it earlier this week when we got the first glimpse of his first baby... he and the gosling walked around every day, while the mom sat on the remainder of her eggs. It was so touching to watch the baby following his dad everywhere.. I would find reasons to go outside to watch them. Today when I came to work, I noticed that the mom was off the nest, but that the eggs were still there. Guess the little guy was the only baby that was to be born. How sad, I can't even imagine how hard it has to be, even for a goose to have to give up on the rest of your babies.. but at least they had the one.

Later, even that was taken away from them. A pack of coyotes came out of the woods and got their gosling, as well as a few more belonging to other geese. It was horrible, and it made me very sad. Stephen asked me why I was so sad over a goose.. that it is nature, and it happens all the time.. and when I thought about it I had to tell him....

Cause it reminds me of us. Working so hard to have a baby, and having to deal with losses and disappointments, when others around us have happiness and success. It is just so very unfair. I heard that it's early enough in the season that Killer and his mate can try again... and maybe they will suceed, but there will always be damn coyotes waiting in the shadows to steal it all away. They (the geese) looked so sad tonight as we left work... at least I imagine that they are.. I really don't know.. but any creature that mates for life and works so very hard to bring their children into this world has to have feelings. Damn those coyotes anyway!

Daily Tidbits

1. We had a nice dinner with Stephen's parents tonight. Mom made chili, yummy! I enjoyed it so very much, giggle.
2. Today, Jamie came to talk to Jen, Cory and I and asked us if all we ever talk about is food, giggle. We do talk about it alot.. sharing recipes and techniques, but I never realized it until she asked... hehe.
3. I drank my water again today, yay, and I had a good workout, although it was soooo hard. That 2nd day is always the hardest for me each week. So even though it is Thursday, it could have been Tuesday to my body.
4. I need to get my stuff ready for tomorrow... we are taking our clothes to change into for the dinner...so that we don't have to come all the way back home. Hope I don't forget anything.
5. Stephen and I are going to watch friends, since we taped it so I could watch Survivor.. at least I won't weep watching that, giggle.