So Much For That
05-09-2001,

So Much For That...

May 09, 2001

Today was one of those days when you just want to go back to bed and never get out. One of those days when nothing goes right and you are left feeling like you just want to scream at the world. It started out with the knowledge that I am not going to be able to go on the family vacation afterall. Somehow all the plans got turned around, and they ended up booking it in June. Well guess who can't get off work that week?? Yup, and there is no way that I am even going to ask for it off. That is right before our big deadline on this grant that Walt is writing, and I know damn well that he needs me. I was so upset, and I spent most of the day crying and pouting. I felt like they didn't care, because if they did, they would try to do it in July like we all planned originally, but sometimes things just don't work out. Stephen is still going to go, and take Chrissy and June, and while it was my idea and I am glad, I am sad too. I don't want them to miss it because I have to, but I don't want them to go without me either. That is such a selfish thought, and I am working on it.

The rest of the day sucked too. I guess I was crabby, hell I know I was, and I took it out on Stephen a lot. Not fair, maybe, but he was there and an easy target. Luckily he understood. To top it off, this week has been crazy, with finals next week, and the students freaking out about that, and wanting this and that and basically driving me insane. Then, everyone else is trying to get this done and that done, and could I do this for them because they are stressed and that because they are busy and HELLO... I am busy and stressed too, please don't throw things onto my plate that shouldn't be there. Phew, that felt good to say. If only I knew how to say it to them. Nope, I just nod my head and do what I can to make things easier on them. Afterall it is my job, and I do love my job. I just wish that they could see how much they are throwing at me, and understand if I can't get to something immediately, ya know.

I came home from work and took a 2 hour nap. Man, it felt good just to sleep and forget everything else for a bit. I still woke up crabby, but then I came online for a while and talked with Jen and Tonya. Jen had to leave after a bit, but Tonya stayed and we really had a nice conversation, and she really made me feel a whole lot better. I don't know how to explain it, but she just is such a caring, loving person who really goes out of her way to try to help others feel good, and it really works. Thank you Tonya, you are such a great friend, and I am so glad that we've been talking a lot more and really getting to know one another. I look forward to becoming even better friends over time.

I know that I've said it a million times, but I have such wonderful friends, all of you, and you know who you are. You all mean so much to me, and I am so grateful for each of you. I might mention one or two of you now and then, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel the same about all of you, it just means that you happened to be around when I was writing in here, LOL. Seriously though, thanks for all you do...for the emails, and cards, the phone calls, the laughter, the tears, for being there and allowing me to be there for you in return. Friendship is such an important thing in life, and I am blessed with many wonderful friendships. I am so lucky.