Daisy Chains

Support
05-21-2002,

Support...

May 21, 2002

Today marks the start of my fifth month of better me stuff. I have done four months.. a third of a year. What have I done in those four months? Well, I have managed to feel better about myself, and that was the goal to begin with. It hasn't been always easy, nor has it always been hard. I have fluctuated on my weight.. I come down a few pounds, go up a few, come back down...and I wish it was quicker, but it's not and I am okay with that. I met my first goal, and I weigh under 200 pounds, and while I have gone up a few in the past week, I am still under 200, and for that I am happy. At my lowest so far, I have lost 25 pounds. I guess that is not so shabby.

I have gotten up to 60 minutes of exercise 5 days/week. That is right where I wanted to be at this point, and it's right where I want to stay. So what has been the hardest thing for me? Eating. Plain and simple, I like to eat. I have been making not so great choices in the past few weeks, and it's gotten so easy to fall back into old habits, but I am not beating myself up over it, because while I am making those bad choices, I am still exercising, and that helps tremendously. Sometimes I forget that, and need to work harder to remind myself of the good I am doing.. baby steps, that is what we have said all along, and while sometimes you want to jump further more quickly, it's only the baby steps that are going to get us to where we want to be.

Jen, Cory, Tonya and I talked about it today. We've all had some struggles in the past week or two.. and I realized that it's because we stopped talking about it so much. It just became a part of life, and the excitement wore off, and I personally need it to be big in our lives still, something we talk about.. because the support is what got me here, and the support is what will keep me going. The Better4Life list is another thing.. I haven't been posting there much lately, and I need to start. They have helped me so much in the past four months, and I need to accept that I can't do this alone.. I need that support.. I need these people who understand, who care. I need to be there for them in return. I need to look back four months and see how far I've come and be proud of that.. and that's what I am going to do.

Cory said something to me today that really hit home. She said that in our anxiousness to point out how far we've come, we put down where we had been. She said that she doesn't want to grow to be ashamed of her life.. and she is right. We were happy then, and while we are happy now too, it doesn't mean that we were any less happy then. I am happy for where I have been, and I am happy where I am now. I hope to be happy where I end up. Only time will tell, but I am up for the challenge.

Daily Tidbits

I started keeping a written diary today of what I am eating and drinking. Maybe seeing it down on paper, or having to write it down will help me. Maybe if I don't want to have to write down that I had a candy bar, then I won't have that candy bar. This is something only I will see, but I am the only person that I can't cheat either. I have to admit to myself what I am doing cause I can't hide it from me. I hope that makes sense. To me, being accountable helps. It's not right for everyone, but it helps me.
I wanted to have some candy tonight, and I didn't cause I didn't want candy on the first page, giggle. So maybe in some small way it is helping. I am going to concentrate on being good during the week, and letting myself have more treats during the weekends.. that gives me something to look forward to, and helps me feel less deprived.
I need to get my project done for the FS. I brought it home with me, and I have a bit of work to do, hmmm, wonder if Stephen would help me, giggle.
I really enjoyed Buffy tonight!!! It was a good season finale, and I can't wait to see what happens next season. It's been a rough season for Buffy, and it wasn't that great for part of the season, but it really picked up at the end, and I hope that the new network just had to take time to get it going. I almost gave up on the show this year, so I am glad that it got better and that I stuck with it.
Sherry just called.. that Chrissy.. she eavesdrops on adults all the time, then runs back to other people, and gets it all wrong, and then gets everyone pissed at everyone else. She must have heard me ask Sherry and Chuck if I could have them for memorial day weekend, and Sherry said yah, that they had long weekends two weekends in a row, and that it was fine for me to take them for the memorial day weekend. Somehow she has it in her mind that we are taking them the first weekend of June as well (which I never said, or even thought about).. and she is telling them that I said that I am taking them both weekends, and so they are freaking out cause they had plans for the first weekend in June. Hello.. you know your daughter likes to eavesdrop and then turn it around.. she does it all the time.. don't get mad at me, for something I didn't say or do, lol. It's not even Sherry.. it's Chuck who freaks out about it all. He is so anxious to call us when they need a babysitter but lately, he gets *irritated* if I am asking for them. Get over it.