Thinking Out Loud
08-09-2001,

Thinking Out Loud...

August 09, 2001

I was reading the journal of someone I know today, and she was talking about the ending of her marriage. I realize that she is not someone that I can really call a good friend, nor do I claim to know her all that well, but from what I do know, I feel badly for her, that she has to go thru something that is so hard as this. She was only married for a short time, by some standards, but I am sure that it doesn't make it any easier.

I have been sitting here thinking about her and about what she is dealing with, and I have been wondering how one even goes about dealing with the deep feelings that come with it all. I can't imagine my life without Stephen, and quite honestly, I don't want to. Granted he is not perfect, but none of us are. There have been times when he has done things that have hurt me, sometimes even deeply, but somehow we have managed to work thru those times. If I were to be honest, I would have to admit that I have done many things that have hurt him as well, and some of them I have even done on purpose, just to hurt him. When you think about it in that way you have to wonder, is that love. I believe it is. Love is not perfect. It doesn't mean that everything is going to be wonderful or that all the time things are going to be easy.

I look at other friends who are in happy relationships, and I realize, they have their problems as well. It's not easy living with another person, you are not always going to agree. You are not always going to get along. Hopefully you get along more than you don't, and hopefully the good times stand out more than the bad times do.

Stephen and I will be celebrating our 10th Anniversary in a few months. 10 years. To me that is amazing, considering the fact that so many people thought that we were getting married much too young, and thought that we would not make it. Did we stay together just to show them that we could? No, we stayed together because we love each other, because we like each other, at least some of the time, and because we enjoy sharing our lives together. Does that make us better than those who couldn't stay together? I don't think so, I think it just makes us one of the lucky ones.

I don't know why all of this has been on my mind today, but it has been. Last night I wasn't feeling very well. I had taken a nap after work, because I felt so sick, and I didn't feel all that great when I woke up either. Stephen and I laid in bed for a while and watched the Sox game and he started to fall asleep. I laid there for a while and watched him, rubbed his back some, and just thought about how lucky I was to have a husband who loves me so much, a husband who is also my best friend, someone I can talk to about anything, someone that I realize may hurt me in little ways from time to time, but would never hurt me in the ways that he shouldn't. We are good to each other, we are good for each other...and while others may not always understand our desire for each other, they don't have to, it's what is between us that counts. I like it when things are going good between us. I accept that there will be rough patches and hard times, and I will work thru those times, but boy I like it when they are good times. Who doesn't.