Ponderings
08-13-2002, 4:01 p.m.

Ponderings...

August 13, 2002

Lately, as I have been walking in the evenings, I have been doing some people watching. Hey, you have to do something to make the walk go by more quickly. A while back, I started looking at people, thinking.. hmmm, she is about the same size as me, is that how I look.. or wow, I am smaller than that now.. or wow, I want to look like that. I don�t know when I started doing this, but I seem to do it often. Lately, the thing that I have really been noticing though, is how many people you see that are overweight.. especially children. It is scary almost how many kids are overweight.. and not just chubby, but very overweight. I am talking, kids of all ages, at least a third of all the kids I see lately. It makes me wonder what direction we are headed in.

As I walk, I usually talk to myself in my head. Don�t you do that, have conversations with yourself? LOL.. if not, don�t tell me, I don�t want to know. Sometimes I think about what I want to write in my journal, or letters I want to write (too bad they couldn�t magically appear just by thinking about them, that would save me some time, hehe).. and it came to me the other night that I really wanted to write about this subject in here. Especially after I saw one little girl that about made me cry.

There were a group of kids outside playing.. and this little girl could not have been more than 8 or 9. She was cute, but she was overweight� she must have weighed about 110-120 pounds (for reference, my two 8 year old nieces weight between 49-55 pounds). She was playing with her friends in the sprinkler. I was down the block but I could see them running thru the sprinkler, and I smiled, thinking to myself about all the times I did the same thing when I was a child� All of a sudden the girl runs to her mom who was sitting with some one else on lawn chairs near by.. you could see that her bathing suit had ripped open on her. She was crying, and I was close enough now to hear her ask her mom �why do I have to be so fat�? I am sorry, but in my way of thinking, Eight year old children should not have to ask questions like this.. it should not even be a part of their lives.. but there she was asking it, with tears streaming down her face, and some of the other kids standing there giggling. My heart broke for her, and I found myself slowing down, and eventually stopping to pretend that I needed to tie my shoe. I wanted to run and hug her� can you imagine that. They would have called the police for sure. Mostly, I wanted to hear what her mom told her.

Her mom hugged her and said �that is just the way it is sometime�. Don�t cry, we will go buy you an even prettier bathing suit tomorrow�.. and paused and then said �Let�s go have some of those cookies we made today�. I didn�t know what to think, I kept walking.. but it stayed with me� and I have thought about it a lot since. What answers are there for that little girl? I don�t know, but I am not so sure that cookies was the right answer. Is her mom teaching her to curb her disappointments in life with food? Is that why she is in the place that she is at already?

How do we teach our children the right eating habits, or how to take care of themselves without causing other issues. You see all these teenagers, and now even younger kids with eating disorders� anorexia, bulimia, and all of the such.. so where do you find the right road to take without messing kids up?

I remember when I was a young teenager, and I started getting a little bit chubby.. my parents would often time say, you should get out there and exercise, or watch what you are eating honey, you are still young enough to get it under control, blah blah.. I remember how badly my feelings would be hurt after these comments and how much I would want to eat more afterwards. I am sure that it is not what made me heavy in my adult years, but it did play a part.

Last week when I had Chrissy and June for the week, we had lots of little treats and snacks. They were worried about their dad and his surgery, and I tried to keep them occupied.. we went to play miniature golf and to the movies and such, and each time, we had ice cream or candy or whatever.. and I didn�t think about it then, but look how we equate having a fun time with eating. That is something that I need to work on. Anyway, one night, the girls had some candy, and a while later, June asked for some more.. I told her, no, that she would get a belly ache.. and Chrissy started tickling her tummy and said, or you will get really fat� teasing her� to which June replied �that�s okay, I will just have the surgery like daddy�. I felt the blood rush to my head.. and there were so many things that I wanted to say to her.. things like.. that is so not the answer, and you don�t want to get to that place honey� so many things about my feelings on exercise and nutrition� things that I couldn�t say� so I didn�t say any of them.. instead I looked at them and said, grab your water bottles, who wants to walk with me?

Maybe we need to teach by example. They see me working hard, drinking water, walking� and all of a sudden they want to do it too. Chrissy called me the day after they left to tell me how much her legs hurt from not walking with me every night.. and when we were out by my moms earlier in the week, she offered the girls sodas and they each filled their water bottle with water instead�without even thinking about it. Maybe these little things will be the things that stick with them, and maybe I can teach them good habits in the meantime. All I know is that it can�t hurt. I don�t want them, 15 years from now having to work so hard to achieve something that could have been theirs all along. I want better for them. But then again, maybe if I didn�t have to work so hard for it, I wouldn�t appreciate it as much as I will after I am done. I am not so sure that there is a right or wrong answer on this one. I just know that I don�t want to be the mom who offers my child cookies when she is crying because her bathing suit split open. Even though I don�t know the answers, I do know that is not it.

Daily Tidbits

1. I shouldn�t have to say this, but I will. This is of course my diary, and here I share my thoughts and feelings. I don�t ask you to agree with all of them. This entry is just some things I have thought about lately, they have no special point to them.
2. I am going to W3 for my first class tonight, I think. If I can get up the courage to go. I am so nervous about it, but I have to start somewhere right? Jen isn�t coming until a little later, so timing wise, I have no excuses. It is just a 30 minute beginner step class� I can do that.. I can do that.. I have to do that.
3. This has been the day from hell. I mean that. I cannot believe all that I had to accomplish today and how many obstacles I hit trying to accomplish it. I have such a headache and I just want to go home. Ya know what, maybe that is what I will do.