My Low Self Esteem Monster
08-15-2001,

My Low Self Esteem Monster...

August 15, 2001

I do not have the greatest self-esteem. It's been a problem that I've battled my whole life. Somedays are better than others, much better. I think that it goes in cycles. When I am at the lowest, it lasts for a while, but when it goes back up, it stays there for a while too. So many things have been hitting me pretty hard the past few days, and I feel like I am this whiney needy person, a person I so do not take pride in being. I have so much to be happy for, about, I need to look to that stuff and hope that this low self esteem monster goes to pick on someone else soon.

I am meeting Cory tonight at More-than-memories (a scrapbook store about half way between our houses), to shop for a little bit, and then we are going to go out to dinner. I have been looking forward to that all week. We haven't seen each other in a few weeks, which is so unlike us, and I really think we both need this. We have now decided to make the 15th of each month (or somewhere around this date) our afterwork dinner and shopping get together. That will be so nice. I am glad we are going to do that. We both have some stuff to give each other tonight too, hehe. I love when we have *stuff* for each other.

Another thing that we decided to do is make stuff for each other, scrapbook wise. We have been joining these swaps, which are a lot of fun, but a lot of work, and now we are going to have little personal swaps with each other. We set up the rules and all that today and it was so much fun. I can't wait to get started on the stuff for this month. We are going to exchange our stuff each month at our 15th of the month dinner shopping trip, hehe.

I think that I am going to leave work a little early and try to see Sherry at work too. She has been asking me to come in there and see her there, but I haven't made the time. Shame on me. I am glad that I am going to make the time today. She was so excited when I called and told her. She is so proud of herself in this job, and I need to make more of an effort to show her that I am proud of her too. Sherry is a sister to me.. that is what she is, my sister. I often put her to the side for the other things in my life, because I know she will always be there, as my sister. I need to remember that she is a person too, and she gets those low self esteem monster attacks sometimes too. Note to myself, pamper Sherry a little bit too. She deserves it. She needs it.. we all need it. I take the time to do little things for Jen and Cory and Tonya to show them I am thinking of them... but rarely for Sherry anymore... I need to make more of an effort there. I will.

On a nicer note, we had a wonderful time at the Sox game last night. I am so glad that Don went with us. It was very nice, and very relaxing. The Sox won, which was awesome in itself, and they did all the fun stuff at the game that I was bragging about last time, but that they didn't do, hehe. Don enjoyed himself and was so glad he came too, which meant a lot to me. He asked when we were going again, and I told him, and he said count them in. Wow, that's the clue... go to Don for these things instead of Jen, LOL. I like it.