Matter of Perception
09-12-2002, 9:46 p.m.

Matter of Perception...

September 12, 2002

I think that so many things in our lives are just a matter of how we perceive them. I don't know about you, but people's perception of me matters, a lot... I think about things before I say them sometimes.. what will that make them think, will the see it the way I mean it, or will it make them see me in a bad way. I do it with so many people, co-workers, strangers, lots of people.. I try not to do that with family and friends, but I guess sometimes I do anyway.. or maybe there are times though that I should more often. Sometimes things we do or say are totally perceived to be something different than we meant for them to be. Okay, don't ask, it's been one of those sorts of days.

I was so busy at work today, I don't know how I got thru the day without killing someone. Gosh, it was crazy, and I was crazy and I was so glad to get out of there at the end of the day. Only thing was, I left feeling sorry for myself. We were going to my MILs for dinner, as we do every Thursday night.. only I so wasn't in the mood for it. Still, I didn't want to dissapoint her, I know they look forward to us coming, and she was cooking dinner. Once we got there though, I felt better and I was so glad that I went.

I used to think that they laughed about me trying to lose weight.. Don't ask me why, but all my SILs are cute.. and I was/am the only heavy one... lately, when we go for dinner, my MIL has things in her fridge like water for me.. or she makes salads to go with dinner, which she never used to do. I think about how I percieved that, and it took me until today to realize that she is trying very hard to be supportive and to show me how much she cares. Today she had cut up fruit to go with dinner.. and Stephen teased her about it saying yuck, who needs this stuff.. to which she told him.. your wife is trying so hard to do this, and she deserves us to do a little bit to make it a little easier on her... there was no hint of teasing in that.. she cares, and it showed, and I wish I would have looked at it differently from the start, because that support makes so much of a difference. I am so grateful to have family and friends who care and who go out of their way to make life easier for me. I so need to look at those things, and appreciate them for what they are. I think I learned alot tonight.

Daily Tidbits

1. I have so much to do this weekend, okay, every weekend between now and the end of October. I am not even kidding, I do not have a free day in a weekend until the last weekend in October, and I am sure that will book up too. I think it is stressing me out a little, but I need to step back and appreciate the things we have to do one by one instead of stressing out over the big picture... it's all a matter of perception.
2. Last night I never even turned on the computer.. I sat around and watched some of the 9/11 specials, even though I told myself not to, but I did, and I was a little emotional, but I think that I am ready to start healing now.. it's time.. not time to forget, because we never will.. but time to live. I want to live.