Good Luck Needed
10-04-2004, 11:51 p.m.

Wednesday will mark Tonya�s 3 month anniversary at our job, and that is pretty amazing. I am really happy for her, especially that she is just so happy there. There is only one thing that I�ve not liked this whole time, and that is how we stopped working out in the mornings when she started working there. I understand why, she has to be there a little earlier, and it does take longer for 3 of us to get ready at the same time (she used to have to leave so early for work, that she would be gone by the time I got home from the gym). The bad thing though is that since I stopped working out in the morning, I�ve really struggled so bad, and I am looking to really get back into some sort of schedule. I am not going to even call it back on track because the truth is, I am so far off track that I am back to where I was before I even began, and I am ashamed to admit that. I think that is a big part of why I don�t write here anymore, because I would have to admit that to myself and I�ve been in denial over that. I so need to do something, for myself, on this.

Tonight I told Tonya that I would like to start working out in the morning again. I realize that she can�t but if I go and stay for about 45 minutes, I can still get home and be ready to leave at the time that we have been leaving over the past few weeks. That is not the hour that I was used to, but the truth is, I doubt that I could do an hour at this point, even if I wanted to. I thought that she would be upset, but she wasn�t, turns out that she would like to work out at lunchtime, and I didn�t want to start that again. I am glad that we talked about it, and I think that it�s going to work out for both of us. So tomorrow, basically, is day one for me; and I am a little nervous (read: a lot nervous). Over the past months I have made promises to get back on track or to do this or that, and I�ve really failed at that, and it is pretty scary. I can�t believe how much I�ve let myself down, that is the worst part of all. So there! I am admitting it, and I am going to try to do something about it, succeed or fail.

My first plan of action is to start holding myself accountable, here if necessary. I am going to begin doing at least 30 minutes per day 4-5 times per week, and go from there. Wish me luck. I am going to need it.