Broken
12-03-2001,

Broken...

December 3, 2001

What a night, and not in a great way. It started out alright, I suppose. Stephen has been pretty sick all day (he caught whatever I had last week), so he asked if I wanted to stop at the Patio and pick up some soup for dinner. It sounded like a good idea to me, so that's what we did. I ran in to get it, and while I was ordering, he came in and asked if I wanted to eat there. I loved it, and we had a nice time together. I like when we spend time like that. And the soup was yummy too.

When we got home, we sat down to watch the Grinch on Cartoon TV network. The cartoon one.. it's on all this week. It's always been a favorite for both of us, so I am glad he noticed it was on.

Today has been an emotional sort of day on a lot of levels, and when I am upset, I tend to want to clean. So, I decided tonigh to clean up the family room. The kids have been leaving it quite a mess lately, and have only been surface cleaning. As I started to clean, I realized how much crap they had thrown under the couch and behind everything, so I decided to really clean. Well, dummy me... I didn't want to bother Stephen, since he was laying down.. and I pulled out my desk pretty stupidly (knowing that this shouldn't be done, because the legs tend to collapse). Well I yelled for Stephen to help, and he came right away, but in the process I got knocked in the head. Oh, he was soooooooooo mad that I didn't ask him to help me right away, and as he tried to pull the desk in a way that I wouldn't get hurt, he made it worse. I of course, in my anger with myself, blamed him, which pissed him off, and a nice little argument ensued. Well, I knew it was my fault and so I had my cry, felt sorry for myself and apologized. I had to throw out the broken desk (sigh, I loved my desk), but I had a matching smaller one that I was able to put in the room. I hate that I have to use the smaller one, and I am still feeling sorry for myself... but at least my increased anger got the room spotless. I couldn't believe how much I threw out. I am such a pack rat, so I am pretty proud of myself. Unfortunately, it didn't improve my mood much, but at least I had other things to think about for a few hours. Worked for me.

So what exactly am I so upset about? Good question. Quite a few things actually, but nothing I really want to talk about. Sometimes things just need to be worked out. Or we need to walk away and figure it out, lick our wounds, or whatever. This too shall pass, but in the meantime it certainly doesn't leave you feeling very good about anything. It's late now and my back is killing me, but the family room is clean. Maybe I will be able to get to sleep now... Maybe.