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Mixed Feelings
11-14-2001,
Mixed Feelings...
November 14, 2001
Boy, if today hasn't been a roller coaster of emotions, I don't know what you could call it. I have been up and down more than a yo-yo today.. okay tonight really.
My MIL called me at work today and asked if we could come over for dinner tonight in leu of our weekly Thursday dinner. Guess they are going to the casino's tomorrow with their Senior group. My BIL Kevin and his new wife Nicki go for their weekly dinners on Wednesday with them, so I thought, cool, a chance to spend some time with them as well... if I only knew.
We came home first, so that I could pick up the pictures from Vegas to give to them, and well for a little lovin
When we got to Stephen's parents house, Kevin and Nicole were not there yet, and so we just sat around and talked. Stephen's aunt was there too, but she sits in the room that the computer is in and plays the poker game all the time, so I went in there to talk to her. She asked me "So how do you feel about being a new aunt again". My heart just dropped... I knew immediately what she meant.... Kevin and Nicole are pregnant... or rather Nicole is... Less than a month after their wedding...wonderful!!!
I was devastated...I was so upset, I just wanted to go cry. Luckily, my MIL needed a ride to my other BILs house to babysit for a few minutes, so I had a few minutes to pull over after I dropped her off and let it out. I called Cory and Tonya and Jen, and while they cared, they just didn't seem to understand... well maybe they did, but they didn't have a clue what to say to me. I didn't have a clue what to say to me. But by the time I got back to the house, I was feeling somewhat better...enough to congratulate them anyway. I love being an aunt, I do...I really do... but god why? Why is is always so unfair??? Why do they get to be pregnant before they are married a whole month and I have nothing after 10 years. I mean, I have a lot.. but not a baby of my own. I appreciate Chrissy and June in my life... I love all my neices and nephews... I love that I can love on Nicole, Lain and Kris and Maddy and Rachel, but it's so not like having my own. Maybe I will never have my own, maybe it's time to accept that and move forward...maybe...
Stephen feels pretty much the same way I do, only he doesn't let it show. Still, we love each other and we make do with that.
There has been some good moments tonight as well. For one, I think that we are getting a new car. Well my parents bought a new car, and we were going to take their old car, but now Stephen said if I want the new one I can have it, and my parents said I could too... so we'll see... I like it, I need a car... the payments are not bad, why not?
And last but not least... my diary was reviewed today!! I was holding my breath on that one...and really had been trying to convince myself for weeks to submit it for review. Then when I saw that Dana did, I figured I could try too (even though she really is a much better writer than I am). So I did...and I did not so bad, if I should say so myself... 94/100!! I'll take it!
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