Down the Road
12-10-2003, 8:28 p.m.

I am so proud of Tonya. She is living such a hard life right now, and yet she is doing so much better than anyone thought she would be at this point. I realized this weekend, that she was laughing, a lot� in fact Stephen started calling her Chuckles when she was staying here, because she was always laughing, and it got me to thinking� in the past 3 weeks, I think that I have seen/heard her laugh more than the past 3 years all added up. It�s amazing how much happier she is, and how much more relaxed. The only time she tenses up now is when the phone rings. It doesn�t even matter if is him or not, just the thought that it could be is enough to send her into a tailspin� that makes me so mad, and I just really want to hurt him as bad as he has hurt her. It�s not fair that any human being can treat another like that.

Today was a bad day for her, and he made a lot of accusations.. some pretty far fetched ones actually, but the fact that he is even trying to blame this one her is just so sad. But it really has shown her just how little things have changed, if anything they�ve gotten worse, and it opened her eyes so much. She finally said the words that we all knew were coming� she wants a divorce. I cried, for her� for the broken dreams.. for all of it It�s heartbreaking really, especially for their 2 little girls who don�t understand, and who are going to have a hard time for a little while. Still, this is the best thing for all of them, and even they seem so much happier even if they don�t realize it. I know that this is the right thing, there is no doubt about that. She cannot go back to that life, she cannot allow herself to be abused any longer. I really am just so proud of her, and I hope she knows it.

I just hope that we are helping, and that we will always be able to be there for her the way she needs us to be. It is bound to get ugly now that she made this decision, but we are going to make it as easy for her as we can. It�s going to get better down the road, and that is what I am hanging on to.